Tuesday, March 28, 2006

An Intimate History of the Macaroon

Making tasty coconut Macaroons is all too easy. Quite frankly any fool can do it and there are plenty of easy how to guides online.

Here for instance is a prime example.

What is more significant though is the fact that most people do not know how to care for their tasty Macaroons once they have them

The sad truth is that even this creature knows more about the care of Macaroons than most of you out there. So the two of us after several hours of amphibian mind meld have produced the following guide for your education.

How to care for your Macaroons and make them feel more at home
A basic introduction courtesy of African Mudskipper

The term cake is often reserved for the humble macaroon. It does, however, cover a wide area of confectionary including, of course, doughnuts. Whilst there are many areas of overlap between doughnuts and macaroons their needs are best dealt with separately. This article deals primarily with macaroons.

A little Macaroon history
According to The Food Chronology by James Trager, the first mention of the macaroon was in 1533 when Catherine de' Mecici of Florence married the prince who would become Henry II of France. Her native Italian cooks introduced several "Florentine" dishes and cooking techniques to the French, among them Macarons. According to Trager, Macaroons were only introduced to Italy recently before the arranged marriage. It is possible that they could have gotten them from the Greeks, or Arabs, both of whom have conquered parts of Italy in the past.

Choosing your Macaroon
Sitting in a cake tin all day on your own can't be much fun, so why not give your Macaroon some company and buy more than just one? The Coconut Macaroon or more exotic types such as the toffe, the chocolate, or even the bacon macaroon are all the same species of cake, so they will live happily together in the same cake tin.

Choosing the right sized cake tin
Once you have decided how many macaroons you would like, you need to make sure your cake tin is big enough for everybody. As a rough guide a small 8" (20cm) tin will only take one macaroon, a 12" (30cm) tin will take two macaroons and a 24" (60cm) tin will take up to three macaroons. Sand, rocks, plastic plants or even some fun ornaments for your macaroons to look at, will help it to feel at home.

Caring for your Macaroon
Macaroons are amongst the hardiest of all cakes, which no doubt contributes to their popularity. Give a macaroon a good sized tin, a few plants with several pebbles and it will be much healthier, happier and stay fresh longer. With a little care and attention the tin will also become more interesting and an attractive focal point in the home .

Feeding your Macaroon
To stay healthy, active and colourful Macaroons need a regular balanced intake of a range of essential nutrients. The best and easiest way of providing these is with a complete, balanced diet. Morlock Brand Orphan Flakes have been specially formulated to provide all the nutrients a macaroon requires.

How Often? How Much? Ideally you should feed your macaroon every morning and evening. Sprinkle a few flakes in the tin. If they are eaten within a few minutes give a little more food. If the macaroons stop feeding, or after about 15 minutes, remove any uneaten food with a small net.

In the meantime, here are just a few of the most common problems our experts have been able to answer:

Q, If I go away for the weekend should I feed my macaroons extra?
A. No, it's actually better for your macaroon to miss a day or two, rather than be over fed. In fact, they can be left up to two weeks without being fed, providing they are seperated otherwise the stronger macaroon will kill and eat its less mighty siblings.

Q, How long will my macaroon live?
A. Macaroons will live at least 10 years. However, the almond macaroon can live up to 20 years in a tin.


1. Write a SUPER Blog
2. Never Trust anybody with a Moustache
3. Never use Frozen Bananas for Sexual Pleasure
4. Respect your Elders
5. Stimulate Your Inner Poet
6. Always Feed Your Macaroons

Monday, March 27, 2006

Important Announcement: The Birth of the Super Bloggers Club

It is time for the bloggers of the world to make a stand against the four faces of EVIL under the BANNER OF





The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal will soon be publishing our first strike against evil with the



Sunday, March 26, 2006

Mysterious Ellipses...

Mysterious are the ellipses...
Things I look into suggest a perpetual World War of human shame
A mysterious filing system system
Mysterious are the ellipses...
Shameful Accounts department rock opera
In the style of Godspell, Evita or We Can Start Appearing
Sung by toxic tit people, an effort to get and give organized religion
Mysterious are the ellipses...
Things do not flow properly into Rose's tent...
In another record, mysterious ellipses...
Large suppliers have us believe their argument that for all
Mysterious are the ellipses...
Rose cuts through their lies with her camera, prose and senses
One particularly ubiquitous child of safe,
lukewarm to change and mysterious ellipses
She performs a writer's Spellcheck, a rant of the week... healthy skepticism...
Mysterious are the ellipses...
And they surely know
That Il Divo and G4 are intrinsically flawed...
Mysterious are the ellipses...
For only if the interior of ellipse is silvered to produce a mirror,
rays originating at ellipse's focus are reflected
to the other focus of the ellipse
Mysterious are the ellipses and only thus will their secrets be revealed...

A poem inspired the by the blog Things I could Do Without by Rosario Darling and Philip Wrath

Cake Munching Pastures of a Cakesniffer's Rectum

A Cakesniffer endures the purifying act of Rectal Alighting

Beware of Cakesniffers, hot diggitty
Sick People, Cake defilers of darkest arts, farts pissing about
The human form of a 90% tax tariff rating to damage your brain and hollow it out
They type keyboard messages with marmalade chunky bits and devastating alacrity
Shopping in Tescos for Croissants and Muffins daily
They plunder babies cribs for cakes indefinately
Actions that scar pysches
Overturning ambulances in the contaminated cake munching gardens of their mouths
Tina though takes to rights
By the power of infinity to the Isle of Wight
This satanic Cakesniffer blight
And with a flicker of match
She alights the petrol she has poured down a Cakesniffer's Rectal Hatch

A Poem by The Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal
Imspired by the Blog of Cakesniffing Tina

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Crafty Chocolate Minstrels with Caramel Cornets

Got me a Vauxhall Velocoraptor for Mothering Sunday
So much time ago I said "By ye powah of ye Gods mighty Thor"
Sitting on my lap ripping it was in a purple Dress
Minima Black and full time football to relieve stress
Talons like Steak Knife
Wobbling on a table, a metaphor for life

A difficult contortion here in the inescapable village,
Stimulating my hand picked pork bayonet
Crafty chocolate Minstrels with Caramel Cornets
Play it straight and in the shadows bide their hate
Regrets, feet and answerphones threaten to break their Crispy shells
The secrets of their ingredients are hidden in the Conservative Club's 9th Circle of Hell
Tickling my Vauxhall Velocoraptor's sense of smell...

A Poem by the Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal

Inspired by mighty blogger Tickersoid

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Shitting through the Ether I move the genre

Why Do I this do?
Get Blogs
Blog Wise
Brit Blogs
Blog Catalog
Conduits to a Globe Of Sin?

Well being from a Bran Flakes Overdose,
Shitting through the ether I move the genre,
Whether in Air Hockey
The Art Of credibility
Left pretty sure
Work saps your seven chakras

I Ever Live
Without... the aftermath
and while it reeks of Mine
It Will Be entertaining.
I am definately enjoying my anger
Drop Down Australia:
Fuckitt the genius of my wages
Yet, why do I do all this...?

A Poem by the Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal

A poemchemitcal opus inspired by the blog of the mighty Fuckitt

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Alvar Hanso's Fake Beard

Holy Alvar Hanso's Fake Beard Batman
Worn in times undercover and that is so
Dogged fake beard Fans
attempt to debunk that
the legendary Alvar Hanso
Yet he has more in common with Red Herrings

That legendary Alvar Hanso with his faux beard
When we met him in Exodus Part Two
Dreaming of high quality hatches & kitchens
eating food and infiltrating the competition pages of Rugged Elegant Man Weekly
The printed cornucopia of notable hairy men

50 days he dreamt
His fake beard making him smarter than the survivors
The shabby beard enigmatically replies, "You Jack"?
Scholars ruminate & refer to it being an almost muppet like character
With wild hair and a house for not making a list on his 1970s Dharma kitsch coffee table?
Angels left singing a golden Chorus "Holy Alvar Hanso's Fake Beard"

A Poem by the Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Weapons Grade Plutonium On The Brain

Plutonium Powder,
The Oxford Research and Russian Federation's Chow Mein of Mass Destruction
irradiated reprocessed
Meet the core
A Fraction of within an 1.000 fundamental change
A rendered Core, 34 metric tonnes
Required for the core and uranium MOX irradiation
Industrial infrastructure and closed fuel plant.
At designated sites this makes the safe management a Kung Po confection
Nuclear weapons reprocessing
Bittersweet Clementines for military purposes

A Poem by the Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal