Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Of the search for the cranial apendage of Scruffy

Following the scruffy based disaster you may have all read about on the pages of this very blog I must relate to you the details of the mission I despatched the Death Squad of Marcus Tal on. The aim of this mission was to retrieve the head of Scruffy so it could be reattached with the latest development in Macaroon technology the Macaroon trans-perambulator.

As this was expected to be a particularly tricky mission our plucky band of heroes reported to the extensive Marcus Tal training base network located in the pyranees.
There they were met by the Director of training of Marcus Tal or as he is otherwise known "Eric Roberts"

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So without further ado lets introduce the tutors who would be tarining our elite team in the extra skills they would require for their mission.

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Roger Delgado specialises in stealth and disguise skills, under his knowing gaze our crack team would be able to sneak up on even the most alert sentry or disguise themselves so well that even their own mothers would not know them.

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Yllib is our mysterious expert in the esoteric skills of Slamming as well as our resident devotee of Cthulhiana. It is rumoured that Enaz's interest in these areas is so great that he has the immortal words "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu! Fhtagn! tattooed on his scrotum. He is also thought to have an alliance with the mighty Fletchos.

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These two gents are masters of a style of improvisational comedy so lethal that its use is actually against the geneva convention. As a result they take a vow never to use their skills in public. A wise attitude that can be seen in their public persona, where they like to explore the bright lights of fame squashed together in a fat suit and travelling under the name Peter Kay.

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Mr Beavers is the resident master of advanced first aid. In this photo he is demonstrating a type o head bandaging so arcane that it can be applied with ones feet.

Last but not least:

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Chris is the morale officer for the base, his role is to teach the Death Squad skills in close harmony singing and military duck call playing, important skills indeed as I am sure anyone would agree.

So what happened?

Unfortunatley the death squad were wiped out on their first night in the base when they failed in their first task set by Mr Latta when they proved unable to pacify a Great White Shark by playing their duck whistles underwater.

So what of Scruffy American?

Well as luck would have it a cleaner at the Marcus Tal show room found a head labelled "Lalla Ward original head do not destro" in the back of a broom cupboard. As it seemed a good size we attached it to scruffys body and everyone agreed you could hardly tell the difference.



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Anonymous Rerun man said...

Recycled information? Did not the clone put out this tripe a year ago? So, has the clone been relegated to American television "re-runs" where if he can't think of anything clever, he just puts out a "re-run" of an old blog post?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Bisquick is currently sold under the Betty Crocker brand name by General Mills.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rerun man cant read properly

The post is written by dehydrated corpse, not clone corpse.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scruffy has never looked sexier

Anonymous Scruffy's Wife said...

Thats not his head. Thats my minge!

Anonymous G.W. Bushy said...

You are either with us or against us.

Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Sorry to hear about the demise of your Death Squad. I assume you have another lined up in the wings?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Blogger starbender said...

American Television ROCKS!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm starting to hear crickets around this place again...

chirp, chirp, chirp...

Anonymous American Saves Baby said...

ROYAL AIR FORCE LAKENHEATH, England (USAFENS) -- Most people don’t remember what they were doing on Jan. 23, but for the Clemsic family it is one they’ll never forget. It was on this day that 23-month old Jason “Baby Jay” Clemsic, the son of Tech. Sgts. Carmen and Jason Clemsic, 48th Fighter Wing and 48th Security Forces Squadron respectively, nearly drowned in an icy pond behind the family’s off-base home.

Carmen took a deep breath as she recounted the events of that day.

“I was showing Brian and Melissa Hammond our house (both staff sergeants, 48th Communications Squadron and 48th FW respectively). As we walked downstairs, I noticed the back door open [which is usually locked]. I thought, ‘oh no.’ When I looked out, I saw my daughter walking up the sidewalk. She had no shoes on. I asked her what was she doing and went to pick her up. That’s when I saw him in the pond,” she said.

Carmen jumped in the pond and grabbed her son. Because the pond was full of slippery leaves and other debris it was difficult for her to quickly get him out.

Hearing her screams, the Hammonds came running out of the house. Brian reached in and took hold of the child by the shirt and began Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation while his wife called the paramedics.

“I laid him on the side of the water and started checking him. He wasn’t breathing in the beginning … at all,” Brian said. “I couldn’t tell if he had a heartbeat because the water was so cold. With grabbing him out and being outside in the cold, I didn’t have a jacket or anything on. I’d started shivering. So I don’t know if he had a pulse or not.”

Brian began giving Baby Jay his first two breaths and continued until the toddler began to respond by coughing and expelling the bacteria-infested water he had swallowed. Then Brian picked the boy up and took him in the house and began treating him for shock.

“He had already started taking breaths in. They were a little shallow, but he was breathing on his own,” he said.

By this time the paramedics were on the way and were fully aware of the situation.

When Carmen arrived at the West Suffolk Hospital in Bury St. Edmunds, her son had a collapsed lung and had to be put on a ventilator. He had been admitted to the emergency room the day before with the croup and already had problems breathing. He was transferred to Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge were she was told that his condition would get worse before it got better due to the amount of bacteria he swallowed. He was placed in a medically induced coma for a week to make sure his throat didn’t swell closed when the tubes were removed.

While holding on to some shred of hope, Carmen said she received tons of support from her Air Force family. She got choked up as she talked about the support of base men and women.

“I just can’t say enough. Sometimes people make light of phrases like the military family and things, but they really work,” she said. “You get these people who came out and (did whatever they could) to help us. I really get choked up when I think about it. God, it meant so much.”

Carmen said she is grateful for the self-aid and buddy care system and all the training that she has received to prepare her for times like these.

“As much as I knew what I needed to do, it was so nice that Brian was there. I was able to be the hysterical mom,” she said.

Baby Jay was out of the hospital within two weeks. He has made a full recovery. According to his mom, he is back to fighting with his 3-year-old sister, Kamryn and pulling her hair. Thanks to Brian, he turned 2 years old on March 6.

For his efforts, Staff Sgt. Brian Hammond received a coin from Chief Master Sgt. Karl Sagstetter, the 48th FW command chief, and from Maj. John Sutherland, 48th CS commander. He said he doesn’t think of himself as a hero.

The Clemsic family sees it differently.

“He’s my angel,” said Carmen.

Blogger the cloned corpse of marcus tal said...

I fear that the dehydrated Corpse is not the only super-blogger around here who is on the absynthe...

Scruffy! Behave yourself!

Kind Regards

Anonymous Spy who shagged me said...


Blogger DEAD123456789 said...


I have never met you dehydrated corpse. On the basis of this weird post, perhaps that is a good thing. You are very strange.




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