Monday, January 16, 2006

UPDATED From the files of the Tal Shiar Death Squad of the Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal:The Usual Suspects

For all of his mighty precautions the
untimely demise of the
cloned corpse of Marcus Tal has met his
kismet...or has he?

Mere mortals such as yourselves can only wonder which
enemy of the clone could have carried out this act.




A lion of Macedonia?
Not a man who should be crossed lightly.
Does this mean a pre-emptive strike to thwart the Tal Shiar Death Squad?




Many have wondered at what evil lies in the heart of games designers
and many more dont give a damn!
Really can a man who once had a middle name of "Yehaw Dakka! Dakka!" really not be a suspect? Reportedly a hater of the cloned corpse because
Youths would rather listen to poechemy than play with a warhammer



Minor playwrite Nicholas Wright despised the cloned corpse for an
erudite yet utterly damning review that appeared in the Cambrian Times.




You may have heard of the Mighty Destro...well he is fourth on our list.
Originally a member of the band the Killers.
Unmasked at last you can view his visage in the photo below.
Not content with the infamous Rhyll Christmas Massacre is he
Gaining his revenge for the poor sales he blames on the Cloned Corpse?


This strange and viscious fellow, WireWool Mullet,an apparently aspiring poet and adherent to the Chucklebrothers who felt frustrated by the cloned corpse's greatness of a poetic inspiration he could never aspire to, left vile hate comments berating both artist and guests. Could his green eyes of jealousy and red tongue of anger have pushed the mulleted one to extreme results and landmines?

Did you know Margaret Thatcher wears a mask? No? Well, that is because you peons are not meant to know... After an accident with one of the cloned corpse's early nuridium powered cloning tubes in an attempt to prolong Mrs Thatcher's life using a prominent Conserative Party activist's DNA she was hideously transmogrified from this:
Into this with mask:
and without Mask:

She has long vowed bloody vengence...is this a promise she has finally honored? If so will the dehydrated corpse be safe?



In his broken English Apu de Beaumarchais wrote "I wud hily avise yu to quit bodering my frend Scruffy. don mak me limit your subscrptun to Gigantic Asses magazines". It is known that the cloned corpse replied to this threat on his way too Venice Beach that fateful day. Was his personal reaction too strong and morally upstanding for Mr de Beaumarchais to countenance? What connections does this entrepreneur really have with the Scruffy American? Mr de Beaumarchais is unavailable for comment and is understood to have left the country...


The Arch-Duke of Antiques Tim Wonnacott, Ringmaster of the British Based Clarice Cliff Mob, is well known for a brutal underworld grudge against David Dickinson and the cloned corpse who teamed up to fleece a pair of rare Cuban cigar humidors from his collection to help finance the building of a community centre for poor Venezuelan catholic children. Using blackmail, the Arch-Duke has systematically began to destroy Dickinson's career by forcing him onto I'm a Celebrity Get Me out of Here whilst rationing supplies of his life supporting permatan. With Dickinson a mumbling, broken man has the Arch-Duke now taken extreme and brutal measures against the daring caper's ringleader... the cloned corpse of Marcus Tal?


Wordsmith Queen Neetee received a poem which wasn't very good by the Cloned Corpse's own very high standards, did she take offense at the obvious haste with which it was composed, or the poem about George Galloway & Celebrity Big Brother ? Was her rage and pride stoked enough to snuff out the cloned corpse's candle forever...?



Poet, thinker philosopher, murderer? Could this man's blue bed and grey suit have pushed him headlong into an act of unspeakable random and brutal violence? Or is he merely a red herring ? Who can say ?


and/or

Mysterious Alice, first recipient of the cloned corpse's first internet poem. Perhaps she wished to keep this gift of poechemitical pentameter exclusively to herself? Perhaps her boyfriend was jealous and took a passionate, frenzied exception to the fine poetry crafted in her honor? Biding his time, he binded his fury with a landmine and detonator, who can say ? Perhaps they are the new internet Bonny and Clyde on a killing spree of great poets? Cloned Corpse today, Andrew Motion tommorow...


Did Young Faith take the kind and creative words of the cloned corpse the wrong way? Was she horrified of the cloned corpse of a dead man watching her undress before his cloned undead eyes? To these ends was she on the beech that fateful morning practising a variety of poses to consciously catch his attention and make his heavy undead heart explode? Or perhaps another of her site's visitors took exception and decided to wipe out what they saw as the more high brow competition?


PHAT JAMIE UPDATE
Phat Jamie before and after
Phat Jamie, the supposed Lion of Macedonia died in battle, after being betrayed by the Fat Pride Times Editor, with the Tal Shiar Death Squad of the Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal supposedly protecting the good name and reputation of the suspect below:


Supposedly residing in Greece, of hideous countenance and of indeterminate gender the Scruffy American was the first netizen to petition and in their own deluded mind commission the great wordsmith for a poem about legendary Los Angeles Radio Comedian Phil Hendrie. The cloned corpse offered a poem, but in his own time and not under duress, as his art could never be rushed. Consequently Scruffy became a pest and adversary to the cloned corpse's dehydrated state of being. What are this tricky and ugly fellow's motives ? Revenge for failing to get the poem they demanded? Haemaroids? Jealousy ? Alcoholic Dementia? A lack of repect for retired officers of his native country's security services? Did the emergence of a champion in Phat Jamie encourage Scruffy American to new and audacious acts of terror and reprisal which went tragically out of hand in his ongoing bloodfued with the dehydrated corpse of Marcus Tal? Only Scruffy knows the answer...


Robert Mugabe, EVIL Dictator of Rhodesia
He threatened to kill the varying stages of the decaying corpse of Marcus Tal for the inappropriate use of his face on a recently published poem? Has he lived up to his promise? Will the Dehydrated Corpse be next ? Why does he have such a stupid face and moustache?

45 Comments:

Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

Phat Jamie is no more. Click on our name to see his end...

13:32  
Anonymous hideout found said...

http://fatpridetimes.blogspot.com/

copy and paste for you who are too lazy to link.

13:38  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

Thank You

Fat Pride Man

Collaborators are always welcome to assist us on our missions. We will put in a good word to ensure Gwyneth Paltrow portays you (as you requested) in the Steven Spielberg movie adaptation of our mission Re-vengence:Nemesis

13:46  
Blogger ~Sorrow~ said...

O.o hmm odd

20:40  
Anonymous Scratchy (not Scruffy) American said...

Mr. Corpse,

I'm the personal assistant to Mr. Scruffy American. He is wondering if you are still interested in writing the poem on Phil Hendrie.

Although, this whole Talshiar thing has gotten him frazzled, he still believes you are a man of your word, and quite frankly still admires your work, even after your menacing.

At any rate, I'm supposed to ask if there's been any headway toward that poem,

Your faithful amanuensis,

Scratchy American (Scruffy's ASSistant)

00:18  
Anonymous Scratchy (not Scruffy) American said...

Forgot my avatar. Oops. I hope I don't get fired for this.

00:19  
Anonymous Scratchy (not Scruffy) American said...

I'm really screwed. Something has happened to my Avatar. I'm sure now that Praetorian M. is now going to replace me as the ASSistant.

ARgghh....

00:21  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

insanity runs riot with a feathered duster stick marked HUMOUR. more please.

05:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The cloned corpse is dead you scruffy foo!

09:22  
Anonymous Praetorian M. said...

To anyone who may want to know, here are the last words of the clone prior to his passing. I just happened along him while exiting from the RAF Mildenhall turn-off.

His last Words:

He said, "Please sir, make sure my family knows....

To my son - tell him I will see him again soon. To keep his heels down while riding his horse.

I asked him, "What should I tell your wife..."

To my wife... that is not your business.

10:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a question? Is anyone other than Scruffy and you actually posting on this blog?

I'm starting to hear crickets...

06:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well from one anonymous visitor to another I'd say the answer to your question is no. Cocaine Jesus and Sorrow look like real bloggers to me.

Anyway Anonymous your writing style is very similar to Scruffy's could you be the same person?

07:11  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

We like the sound of crickets...

Their mellifluous sounds are music to our ears compared with the pathetic bleating and begging of an ugly 'American' exiled in Greece...

Anonymous...you are a fool who cannot read the signs...do you really think we, the cloned corpse and the dehydrated corpse are the same person ? LOL!!!!!!

07:17  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, I'm the real anonymous here, and for one thing your anonymous comment sure sounded like scruffy's writing style as well. So, maybe you are Scruffy pretending to accuse another of being Scruffy as well.

And by the way, Wirewool Mullet, I know it's you all along. What do you know anyways, you "Crooked Toothed Brit". Dare ye criticize America?? By the way what does a Brit know about Americans anyways.

Go ahead, you can critize Americans all you want. At least we are not a bunch of pompous, badly dressed, poverty stricken, sexually repressed, football hooligans, whose contribution to world cuisine is "The Chip".

08:26  
Anonymous Bucky (from RAF Lakenheath) said...

I enjoy your blog, but I was wondering? I just read your comments and amazingly, I also would like to change my writing style so that I could fool a friend of mine who has a blog.

So, if someone was trying to change their writing style, what would be a good way to do it so he could fool someone into thinking he was someone else. Since, obviously, I also have the diction of Scruffy, I hope you won't unnecessarily think it is Scruffy.

Because it's not, My name is "BUCKY" That's "B" "U" "C" "K" "Y".

Your pal,
Your admirer,
Bucky (former RAF pilot at Lakenheath)

08:35  
Blogger adfjkaj said...

STATION IDENTIFICATION (This is the BBC in Athens coming to you Live)

Clone, Tal-Shiar, other Clone.

I just wanted to say I truly enjoy your blog. I'm not sure how much of this is really true and how much of what I write is not really me but someone else but let me just say that I really enjoy myself.

Each day, after my Mom let's me get on the internet, all I can keep from doing is going to the Corpse's web log. It makes my day to read what peoples said about me and maybe other peoples who maybe are fake or not saying things about me. I really like me! I mean I really like your blog.

At any rate, I have had so much fun that I'm thinking of giving up the political blogs and sticking instead to your blog and my blog and maybe one more which i haven't decided yet. (fatpride??)

Again, thanks so much for entertaining me all this time, and if I never get the Hendrie poem, I won't get mad because what I've received in laughs will go farther than ever (towards my insanity) and will even top Phil Hendrie's dribble compared to the Clone(s).

Ok, butt kissing over. Now back to the Shtick (already in progress).

08:48  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

NOT GOOD ENOUGH SCRUFFY

YOUR BEATING IS NOW AT HAND!

CLICK ON OUR NAME TO SEE YOUR BATTERED REMAINS

09:25  
Anonymous Immortus The Guardian of Time said...

Enough! I grow weary of this scam...

09:52  
Anonymous Wirewool Mullet said...

Haven't visited in nearly two weeks and What do I find? A bunch of SAD CUNTS is what!

I killed him with a stinger missile system lent to me by Imelda Marcos to ease the burden of third world debt which American foreign policy and poetry has inflicted on the world.

There you go I did it, you wankers. Believe that and anything on this site and your a fycking muppet!

I'm from Burnley and pruod of it you pretentious anel loving gits! I live in the real world and I know a freek show when I see one!

10:14  
Anonymous Churchill (at RAF Upper Heyford) said...

Chappy,

Chilling out at RAF Upper Heyford STOP Hang in there STOP Sending reinforcements soon STOP Americans bringing supplies to the infirmary soon STOP

11:06  
Anonymous The Cloned Corpse of Phat Jamie said...

STOP We must all get along together...

From the mouths of men much wiser than is possible:

Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard
Oh Lord, why don't we ?

We all know that people are the same
wherever you go
There's good and bad in everyone
We learn to live, we learn to give each other
What we need to survive
Together alive

Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard
Oh Lord, why don't we ?


I have been cloned from Phat Jamie's remains by a mysterious 3rd Party... I can inform you that Scruffy American did not kill the cloned corpse of Marcus Tal.

11:18  
Anonymous Forward Controller(RAF Bentwaters) said...

Delta Squadron here...

All this talk about the clone has us at Bentwaters on high alert. In fact, I'm on a 12 on, 12 off for the next few days.

(overheard in the background)

- Section 12, Launch Bay Alpha

- Stand by to Launch Fighter Probe

- Core Systems Transferring to Probe Craft

- Launch When Ready

11:37  
Blogger Phat Jamie; The Lion of Macedonia said...

HAHA you have only managed to kill one of my dopplegangers you will never find the real Lion of Macedonia!!!

11:48  
Anonymous PCD (at RAF Fairford) said...

PCD's at RAF Fairford checking in:

We have noticed some unusual activity around RAF Bentwaters...

Delta Squadron, be advised, the clone may be on the move in your area....

Please notify rear controller here at Fairford before proceeding.

I will try and make radio contact with RAF Croughton Commander and ensure COMSEC is in effect.

Fairford out...

11:49  
Anonymous Col Klink (at RAF Croughton) said...

RAF Croughton chirping in:

Col Klink reporting that no unusual activity here at Croughton. Unless you call a bunch of drunk Americans hitting on the birds at the Officer's club.

Skies are clear, no Clown (sic) in sight.

11:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta quetion- why all dese specifc RAF base. what so spechial about dese RAF bases.

Why no oder RAF base on alert and only dese ones. dese RAF locachun important more den oder one?

11:56  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

No Phat Jamie,

YOU ARE THE REAL DOPPELGANGER CLONE

We know this after perusing the secret research files of the Cloned Corpse of Marcus Tal...

To think you have turned against the memory of the man who tried in vain to surgically rectify your strange and awkward head.

Traitor...

11:59  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

"I gotta quetion- why all dese specifc RAF base. what so spechial about dese RAF bases.

Why no oder RAF base on alert and only dese ones. dese RAF locachun important more den oder one?"

Dutch Courage before your utter annihilation, Scruffy American ?

12:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Colonel Klink is a Chinese Spy

12:02  
Blogger adfjkaj said...

Intriguing no doubt, Mr. Anon who can't spell.

What IS so special about these particular RAF locations...

Hmmmmm? I guess only the hairpiece man can tell us...

Let's regroup:

So far, we've seen military reps checking in from:

RAF Mildenhall
RAF Lakenheath
RAF Upper Heyford
RAF Bentwaters
RAF Fairford
RAF Croughton

I can't put my scruffy footprint on what is so important (to the clone) about these locations....

I will sleep on it and will return shortly (after commercial break) and see if any leads are shown.

12:05  
Anonymous Wirewool Mullet said...

Yeah, go on tell us you fucking gormless idiot...

And for fuck sake what is the deal with this supposed death squad what a bunch of fucking pussy loser cock munchers.

Your both as sad, mad and patethic as each other.

I think you all need to get out more, read real poetry and go and visit decent blogs where people write about meaningful things like their sad pathetic lives. Lives you lot obiously don't have.

CUNTS

12:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Delete the Wirewool Mullett!

12:22  
Anonymous United States Air Forces in Europe said...

Let's Roll:

The Geese fly upside down at midnight.

12:46  
Anonymous Prince Albert (in a can) said...

Oh my GOD!!! Sweet Mother Mary of Jesus!!

I just figured it out!!!

The Americans are going to strike the Clone, the Tal-Shiar, and the other Grampa Clone all at once.

Why didn't I notice it before?

These locations...

RAF Mildenhall
RAF Lakenheath
RAF Upper Heyford
RAF Bentwaters
RAF Fairford
RAF Croughton

Each of these locations has or did have a United States Air Force base hidden inside our very own majestic RAF bases in our beloved United Kingdom. (or England whatever).

I see it now. The USAF is planning a massive strike against the forces of darkness, whose leader (wears a hairpiece!!).

What better way to conduct a strike on the clone in his native England than masking the attack by coordinating with all the AMERICAN BASES located inside of the GREAT United Kingdom.

Well, I for one am not going to stand for such crap. I'm going to chain myself to the perimeter gate of each American base in the UNITED KINGDOM until every darn last American Soldier (or Airman) is out of our country, and with a special added benefit (The clone gets to live!!!!)

No, you American invaders!!! Go away. Just because you started off as a finger of our jolly old England, and now have become the whole hand, does not mean you can boss us around.

Oh, look at at the time, now for a spot of tea...

13:01  
Anonymous The Tal Shiar Death Squad Of The Dehydrated Corpse of Marcus Tal said...

It is a shame we are all based in California and will not witness this ridiculous spectacle.

Your too linear, literal and lacking in the abstract Scruffy American to be a true threat. It is obvious from your posts that you are too Scruffy to have killed the cloned corpse. But if this raises the questiion that you and Phat Jamie didn't kill him who did?

13:07  
Anonymous The Cloned Corpse of Phat Jamie said...

I don't think vague matters of nationalism have ever been on the agenda. I guess my scruffy ally is oversensitive about his roots and perceived slights from bewigged intellectual Warlords and the like

13:13  
Anonymous Praetorian M. said...

Q: How do you keep a Fool (or a Clone or Tal-Shiar) in suspense?

A: I'll tell you tomorrow.....

13:39  
Blogger adfjkaj said...

Oh my dear, dear Corpse,(if you are listening)

You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues.

- Wisdom
- Justice
- Fortitude
- Temperance

As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, my Corpse.

- Ambition, can that not be a virtue when it drives us to excel?

- Resourcefulness. Courage. Perhaps not on the blogging field, but there are many forms of courage.

- Devotion, to my family, to you and the Tal-Shiar.

But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then, it was as if you didn't want me for your partner in the abstract.

I searched the faces of the gods for ways to please you, to make you proud. One kind word would've been like the sun on my heart for a thousand years.

What is in me that you hate so much?

All I've ever wanted was to live up to your high standards my Cloned Corpse of the decaying type.

But, alas it is no more. The jig is up and I must turn back to my studies at the local Borg(er) University here in Athens Greece.

Good bye for now, and tonight, but tomorrow is another day!

And, of course, I'm waiting for the answer to Praetorian M's riddle.

13:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why ?

03:58  
Anonymous The Today's Heroes Special Ops Warrior Foundation Revolutionary Front said...

WE KILLED THE CLONED CORPSE FOR THE SEDITIOUS AND INFLAMMATORY COMMENTS, LONG SINCE DELETED, WHICH WERE LEFT ON OUR SITE.

DEATH TO LIBERALS!

The world is full of real heroes. We salute them, and exterminate the liberal chaff.

FROM FELLOW AMERICANS TO ANOTHER, SCRUFFY AMERICAN, YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT UPON US FOR AIDE AND ASSISTANCE AGAINST LIBERAL SCUM.

04:07  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

point of fact. those sperm covered sheets and linen are my sons as is the bed. the genearl state of direpair is (apparently) a cool way to leave one's bedroom. that isn't em either but a mass murderer that i invited in for some tea prior to him mutillating all my children and neighbours.

and there is a copyright on that pic. keep yer eyes on the post!

08:42  
Blogger adfjkaj said...

Hi There.

11:47  
Anonymous RC Collins said...

Were Scruffy American and Robert Mugabe seperated at birth? Their both as ugly as sin!

09:38  
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